


something so precious about this

by joehardys



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Tender Sex, Tenderness, caleb loves to kiss, other characters appear briefly but not long enough to be tagged, softest smut youll ever read tbh, spoilers for ep 124, very very brief talk about calebs scars but nothing extremely detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:21:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29441097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joehardys/pseuds/joehardys
Summary: Caleb was an attractive man, he could admit that. He had been drawn to the human since they met because he was the only other person who had been able to understand his research and appreciate his interests, appreciate the study of Dunamancy. He had assumed that the attraction was superficial and intellectual, since at the beginning he was just using them as a cover since they had gotten too close. But then he started to care for them at a genuine level, and it wasn’t until Caleb got on his knees in front of him and spun together a bunch of pretty words about how he could be redeemed that he realized that his feelings for Caleb ran deeper than that of a friend.Or, Essek needs to talk to Caleb and Caleb decides that the Mighty Nein can wait a night before travelling to Nicodranas.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 153





	something so precious about this

**Author's Note:**

> i started this right after ep 124 because all i could think about was shadowgast but i definitely did Not expect it to be this long. pls be nice this is my first time writing for them/critical role in general and i don’t write smut that often!!
> 
> special shoutout to alex for reading through this despite knowing next to nothing about critical role<3  
> also i didn’t intend to have this posted specifically today, but happy valentine’s day!
> 
> title: from eden by hozier (of course)

_Breathe. Just breathe._

He went over what Caleb had said in his head as he sat on the edge of his bed. He inhaled, then exhaled. He repeated this process for what felt like an hour, but probably was closer to a couple minutes. For someone who had such a grasp on time, Essek was having a hard time keeping track of it since the Mighty Nein showed up at the Vurmas Outpost.

The news they brought with them was extremely troubling. He had been wondering what the group had been getting up to since the peace talks but he had no idea they were in this much trouble. It terrified him that he alone could not aid them. This Lucien character was able to take out Vess DeRogna all on his own without the Mighty Nein even knowing. He had some kind of anti-magic field. He certainly was a problem for magic users. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. It wasn’t helping with his own problems and paranoia. 

He forced himself to breathe again. Despite all of the trouble they brought, it was refreshing to see the Mighty Nein. It had been a lonely six weeks without them. For most of it, he figured they had forgotten about him, or they wanted nothing to do with a traitor. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was extremely relieved to hear Jester’s voice in his head just a week or so prior. He didn’t, however, account for how seeing Caleb would affect him.

Caleb was an attractive man, he could admit that. He had been drawn to the human since they met because he was the only other person who had been able to understand his research and appreciate his interests, appreciate the study of Dunamancy. He had assumed that the attraction was superficial and intellectual, since at the beginning he was just using them as a cover since they had gotten too close. But then he started to care for them at a genuine level, and it wasn’t until Caleb got on his knees in front of him and spun together a bunch of pretty words about how he could be redeemed that he realized that his feelings for Caleb ran deeper than that of a friend.

Essek wasn’t an idiot, though. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He knew those words were exactly that: pretty words and empty promises. Caleb was just trying to keep him in line before the peace talks ended, but part of him hoped he was still genuine and that was enough. He didn’t know exactly how he could redeem himself without losing his life but if he could help the Mighty Nein before his time was up, he hoped that was enough for them. 

It was still hard, though, to look them all in the eye after betraying them so blatantly. Especially Caleb. He cherished all of the Mighty Nein but, romantic feelings aside, he had a deeper relationship with the wizard. They were both hungry for knowledge and eager to learn. They were so alike. As Caleb himself said, the difference between them was thinner than a razor. His words weighed more heavily on him for it. But he did not blame them for not trusting him. As much as he wanted them to, he did not deserve it. _He_ knew he wasn’t going to betray them again, but they were valid in their skepticism. 

The drow sighed, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. He didn’t want to think about the potential Empire assassins out to get him, or the potential discoveries the Dynasty was making about his betrayal while he was away, or the possibility of an evil living city being pulled from the Astral Plane, or an old friend of the Mighty Nein returning from the dead as some all powerful being capable of rendering magic obsolete. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of his life coming to an end, since he was not actually Consecuted like the Mighty Nein believed he was. Maybe he should tell them. He wondered naively if they would bring him back if he happened to fall. He knew Jester and Caduceus were extremely capable healers and Jester seemed to be the only one who outwardly and wholeheartedly trusted him. It was a possibility.

He smiled softly at that. Jester was very kind to him, something he was not used to. It gave him a small sliver of hope. He wondered what the adventurers were up to. Most likely discussing possible allies to draw into the fray. He wondered when they were leaving, and how soon they would return. He knew he was the one who asked for distance but the thought of being alone again after seeing his friends for the first time in weeks felt unbearable. What if something happened to him? What if something happened to _them?_

Essek stood, pacing quickly around the room. He didn’t want to die without Caleb at least knowing that he cared for him. Perhaps it would be a foolish thing to say before they went on their way back to the Empire or to Nicodranas or wherever they planned to go. He might not even believe him. He sighed, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. He wished Verin was there so he could have someone to confide in about matters he was not familiar with. His brother would probably tell him he was overthinking the situation and to do whatever his gut told him to do. 

His stomach has been in knots with anxiety since the Mighty Nein opened their mouths but if something did happen to him or, god forbid, them while they were away he at least wanted Caleb to know. He took another breath and exhaled. After working up the courage, he left his room, giving the guard by his door a nod. He found his way to the chamber they had provided for the adventurers, hoping they had not left yet. He raised a fist to knock before hesitating. Was this too forward? He could easily just use Sending to summon Caleb to his room, but that felt too impersonal. 

Finally, he knocked a few quick raps in succession. The door swung open after a couple seconds and he was greeted with the towering form of Caduceus. 

“Hey, Essek,” he greeted softly. “Is there something we can help you with?”

Essek swallowed thickly, his eyes darting past the tall firbolg. His nerves were acting up again and he wanted to bolt, but instead he took a deep breath. “Uh, yes. I need to talk to Caleb, if you do not mind. Unless you were about to be on your way, in which case it is not important.”

Caduceus stepped to the side, looking back at the group, giving Essek a visual on the rest of his friends. They were sitting in a circle, most likely mid discussion on their next move. Caleb was looking at his friends, not paying any attention to him at the door. He was holding a piece of chalk, as if he was about to draw a teleportation circle. So they were planning on leaving right away. 

“We’re still figuring out where we want to travel to next so there’s some time,” Caduceus assured him with a gentle smile Essek didn’t deserve. 

“Truly though, if you were about to leave it’s fine,” Essek said hurriedly. “It can wait.”

Jester frowned at him from her place beside Fjord. “But you came all the way over here! And you _walked!”_ she gasped. The tiefling gave a pointed look to the wizard across from her. “It sounds real important, Caleb.”

Essek blinked at her words as he looked down. True enough, he was standing. In his paranoid, nervous haze he didn’t even think to do his normal trick of levitating. He frowned slightly before raising his head again, locking eyes with Caleb. His heart jumped in his chest and he could feel his hands threaten to shake. He took another deep breath. 

“It can wait,” he pressed, wanting to be away from their focused eyes. 

“Nein,” the wizard said hoarsely. “We do not have an intended destination yet so I am not needed.” He took Frumpkin out of his lap and placed him in Yasha’s before getting to his feet. “I will be back,” he told the group before stepping past Caduceus, who closed the door behind them to give them privacy.

As soon as the door shut, Essek regretted his decision. He didn’t have a plan, he had no idea what he was going to say.

“I would prefer not to do this where they can so clearly hear our every word. We could go back to my room? Or if you are not comfortable with that we could talk in the lounge?” Essek proposed as he shied away from Caleb’s intense gaze. 

“Your room is fine. I don’t believe you are going to harm me, Essek. Lead the way.”

Essek nodded curtly, taking some relief from his statement. He led the other wizard back to his room. The guard by his door nodded to them both as Essek shut it behind him. He didn’t want anyone else to hear what he had to say to the human but he also didn’t want to cast a spell without Caleb knowing. 

“What is on your mind, Essek?” Caleb asked, returning to where he was sitting for their previous discussion with the rest of the Mighty Nein. 

Essek would never tire of hearing the man speak his name. He took another deep breath and sat opposite of him. “I have something that I want to tell you. I have no idea when I will be seeing you next, and I know it was my idea to keep distance between you all and myself, but there is something that I have to get off my chest in case something happens between then.” His chest was seizing and he could feel a dark blush creep up his cheeks. He so desperately wanted to stop talking but he had committed to telling Caleb and he wasn’t one to half ass anything. 

Caleb leaned forward in his chair, concern clearly written on his face. Essek wanted to laugh at that but he kept his mouth shut. “What do you mean, ‘in case something happens?’” he questioned, his voice heavy with something Essek couldn’t quite decipher. “Essek, what’s wrong?”

The drow chuckled nervously. “Well, I’m not exactly Wildemount’s most beloved wizard at the moment.” He glanced back at the door before lowering his voice. “At any moment I could be killed by Empire Scourgers or be dragged back to the Dynasty and executed. I don’t have a lot of time left and I desperately want to aid you all in this fight but there’s a possibility that I could be killed before then. _You_ could be killed before then if the Empire discovers you still have ties to the Dynasty.”

Caleb frowned. “You are very capable.” His frown deepened when Essek scoffed. “And so are we.”

Essek got to his feet, returning to pacing around the room, his hands fidgeting together nervously. “I know. I know that very well but if anything happened to you—to—to you all, to the Mighty Nein because of me I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Caleb, I–” Essek stopped himself. He was so close to breaking.

Caleb walked toward him slowly as if he was approaching a wild animal. He grabbed his wrists gently to keep him still. “You what, Essek?” he asked softly. 

It was excruciating to hold his gaze but Essek tried his best not to waver. “I-I…I care very much for all of you but…” he trailed off, trying to find the right words to express how he felt for Caleb. “But I care for you more. Much more than the others. We are _so_ alike and what was first mutual admiration and common interest has morphed into something deeper, something I can’t control.”

The hands release his wrists, one falling back at Caleb’s side and the other moving to gently brush against his cheek. “Essek, what are you trying to say?” the wizard inquired calmly, listening intently to every word. 

He stared into Caleb’s beautiful blue eyes. “What…what I feel for you is more than I’ve ever felt about anyone. More than I should feel about–about a friend. I don’t know how to put it into better words but I-I like you, Caleb. I like you very much and I wanted you to know in case we never see each other again.”

Caleb’s intense expression softened. His thumb gently stroked Essek’s cheek as his other hand cupped the other side of the drow’s face. “I will admit,” he started quietly, “it’s a sight to see someone usually so composed unable to find the right words.” He pressed his forehead against Essek’s. “I was so desperate to impress you when we first met. I was surprised my trick with the cat’s paw was enough to earn me a lesson in Dunamancy.”

Essek laughed softly. “I was impressed by you. You showed promise, and you reminded me of myself. It was gradual, but I fell nonetheless.”

Caleb grinned slightly. “Can I ask when you knew?”

“I do not know for sure, but I finally realized it when you caught me the night of the party in Nicodranas. When you knelt before me and did damage control so to speak.”

“That may be, I still meant every word I said that night. Every gesture, too,” Caleb promised, kissing Essek on the forehead, like he did before. 

“That is nice to know,” he replied, leaning into Caleb’s touch. 

“I knew before then. When you came over for dinner and we were able to get to know you. Learning of your betrayal was difficult, Essek. I had to rethink a lot since then but I know how I feel about you hasn’t wavered. I’ve been where you are and I know that you are capable of change, as you exhibited tonight. I will help you get there, and we will keep you safe. _I_ will keep you safe.”

A small smile tugged at Essek’s lips as he met Caleb’s eyes. “I don’t doubt you will. I’m sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”

“I know,” Caleb reassured him. 

The proximity was getting unbearable. Caleb’s eyes glanced down to Essek’s lips before returning to hold his gaze. Essek nodded slightly, silently giving the wizard permission. Caleb pulled Essek in, tenderly pressing their lips together. Essek held onto Caleb, his fingers digging into the thick material of his coat, bringing their bodies together. 

They stayed like that until Caleb broke for air, but he remained barely an inch away from Essek. 

“Shouldn’t you return to your friends?” He didn’t want the wizard to leave but he knew they only had a short amount of time before they needed to be ready to delve into the ruins of Aeor. 

Caleb hummed. “I could go back to them if you want me to, but I also don’t think they would mind spending the night here.” He slid one of his hands down to the back of the drow’s neck, his thumb lazily stroking his skin. 

“The night?” Essek echoed, his face heating up at his touch.

Caleb nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Essek’s jaw. “Only if you want.”

He was aware they were pressed for time but he knew what he wanted. “I do.”

With a gentle smile, Caleb pulled him in for another kiss. It was messier than their first, with more heat and a lot more tongue. Essek, while young for his kind, had still been alive for 120 years. He had been exposed to a vast range of emotions, of experiences, but he had never felt something quite like this. For a moment he felt like he didn’t need to worry. As Caleb guided him to his bed, all of his worries about the Mighty Nein’s safety and his own vanished. 

They broke apart when Essek fell back against the bed, Caleb toppling over him. He laughed gently, not used to the feeling of being carefree. He kicked off his boots and gently pushed Caleb back, scooting onto the bed. 

“Should you perhaps alert your friends about your plan to stay the night?” he asked, watching the man in front of him shed his coat, tossing it over the back of the chair he was previously sitting in. “I doubt a message from Jester will be well received as we continue.”

That earned him a laugh. A full, genuine laugh that made Essek’s heart tighten. It was a rare sight.

“Ja, that is a very good point. I will go let them know. Your guard will let me back in?”

Essek nodded. “Of course.”

With one final kiss, Caleb pulled back. He left the room and Essek fell back against his pillows. He could understand why people enjoyed this so much. It was exhilarating to be so close to someone you cared dearly for. He only hoped there would be more moments like this in the future.

Caleb returned after a few short moments. He removed his boots and placed them neatly by the door. 

“I was as vague as possible, but knowing our friends they most definitely know what we are doing. But nevertheless, they have agreed to leave in the morning. I believe they decided on Nicodranas, Jester’s hometown,” the Zemnian recounted as he joined Essek in the bed. 

Essek smiled softly. “I expect nothing less from them. You’re a very insightful group.”

Caleb chuckled. “Ja, but they are also extremely annoying sometimes.”

“It’s endearing.”

Caleb gave him a flat look before leaning in for another kiss. The way the wizard’s lips moved against his own made Essek’s head spin. He placed his hands on Caleb’s cheeks, pulling him closer. Caleb smiled against his lips and lowered him down, framing Essek’s body with his own. He broke away to press gentle kisses down Essek’s neck. The drow sighed, his eyes fluttering closed. It was a new sensation and Essek couldn’t get enough. Caleb sunk his teeth gently into his neck, sucking a deep plum mark into the skin.

Essek’s fingers dug into Caleb’s back as he clung to him. He was desperate to get the wizard as close to him as possible, since it would be a week at the least before he would see him again. Caleb sat back, pulling the drow up with him. Their lips met again, and Caleb’s hands slid under his shirt. Essek shivered at the cold contact, a low whine coming from his throat. There was a light snort from Caleb and Essek felt his lips twitch against his own.

“You’re teasing,” the drow said plainly, eyes narrowing when his companion grinned back at him.

“Ah, maybe a little,” Caleb admitted. “But it’s more that I want to take my time with you. I don’t want to rush this.”

Essek’s face warmed. “I am not complaining, but I do have needs.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Caleb chuckled. “Especially with all of the stress you are already under. Apologies for adding to that with our visit.”

“No worries. It was a welcome sight to see a group of friends.”

Caleb hummed. “It was nice for us, too.” His hands slipped out from under Essek’s shirt and played with the hem. “May I?” he asked, well aware of the answer.

“Please,” Essek answered, barely above a whisper.

Caleb did not hesitate. He made quick work of removing the garment. Essek stopped himself from shying away as Caleb examined every newly exposed inch of himself. He took a moment to gauge his reactions, noticing his tongue dart out to wet his lips and a soft red blush creep up his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Caleb’s hand slid up his side, his thumb gently brushing against his nipple. Essek let out a shuddery breath, a barely audible moan escaping his lips.

“You,” Caleb breathed, drinking in the sight of the drow, “are beautiful.”

Essek’s lips parted slightly, taken slightly aback by the compliment. He was no stranger to them, as he had been called handsome hundreds of times, but this was different. More genuine, more…more intimate. 

Caleb guided him back down, hovering just barely above him. He bent forward to give Essek another searing kiss. The wizard kissed a line down the column of his throat, traveling farther than he previously had due to the newly revealed skin. With one hand on Essek’s waist, he peppered kisses across his collarbone, taking a moment to mark the skin with a deep purple bruise. The hand on his side ghosted up, Caleb’s fingers trailing along his rib cage, making him gasp. His thumb brushed against his nipple again, this time more deliberately. Essek’s back arched slightly and Caleb took it as a sign to continue. He circled the digit around the dark purple bud. Essek moaned softly and Caleb raised an eyebrow, repeating the motion. 

He moved lower and Essek’s breath caught, hitching when Caleb mouthed over his chest. Blue eyes met violet when Caleb’s tongue dragged over his other nipple. Essek inhaled sharply, threading his fingers in Caleb’s hair. His arched into the touch, his cock stirring when the wizard applied more pressure. 

Caleb was true to his word, taking his time with him. For what felt like hours, he never took his lips off Essek’s body. The drow had never felt more cherished in his 120 years of life. Caleb kissed his neck, chest, stomach, anywhere he could. His hands found their way under Caleb’s shirt, fingers dragging down his back as he moaned at the wizard’s touch.

“It seems a little unfair that I’m the only one somewhat exposed,” he teased lightly. He felt Caleb tense above him. Essek quickly amended himself, “Or if you prefer not to, I’m alright with that.”

Caleb sat up straight, causing Essek’s hands to drag down to his hips. After a beat of silence, he shook his head. “Nein, it’s nothing like that…” he trailed off, rubbing his right arm just below the shoulder. “There’s just,” he paused, trying to find the right words before continuing, “something we haven’t told you. We didn’t want to worry you even more.”

A pit of dread formed in Essek’s stomach. He pushed himself up to meet Caleb. “You’re worrying me now. What happened? Please tell me, Caleb.”

Caleb laughed softly. “I’m sorry. We just got a little more than we bargained for.”

“Caleb,” Essek repeated sternly. “None of what you are saying is reassuring.”

The wizard smiled weakly before stripping off his shirt. White scars from many battles disrupted the freckled skin. Essek swallowed thickly, taking in every detail. His gaze flickered to the base of Caleb’s neck. He traced the mark with his fingers, remembering the fear and anger he felt when the prisoner had attacked the wizard. Caleb smiled softly at him, placing his hand over the drow’s. Essek’s eyes trailed down his arms, focusing on the strange white marks. These were different from the obvious battle scars. He moved his hand down, running his fingers over the lines. 

“Ah,” the Zemnian said quietly. “Those are not important right now.”

“What—?”

Caleb cut him off, “Just a reminder from my youth.” Essek’s brow furrowed, knowing very little about Caleb’s past. Realizing his confusion, Caleb continued, “When you mentioned you had dealings with Trent…that worried me quite a lot. I have no trust in any of the Assembly but especially not him. He is not a pleasant man. I know that very, _very_ well. Better than most, I’d wager.”

“Did he do this to you?”

Caleb’s silence was all the confirmation Essek needed. His blood boiled. As much as the man unsettled him, he was furious. A gentle hand on his cheek broke his train of thoughts. 

“I appreciate your concern. If we survive this, I will tell you more, I promise. But it isn’t what I was referring to.” His body twisted, holding his right arm out in front of him. 

Essek’s blood ran cold at the sight of the eye. He moved his hand to touch it before drawing it back. “Caleb, what did you get yourself into?”

The wizard chuckled. “A consequence due to my hunger for knowledge. Beauregard has one as well, on the back of her hand.”

Gingerly, Essek traced the eye with his fingers. He knew by the sight of it that it wasn’t natural but as soon as he felt the contrast between Caleb’s skin and the smooth texture of the eye, the dread returned. “How?”

Caleb signed. “It is a long story. It was mentioned briefly, but Lucien has a book that is what led him to become the Nonagon and communicate with the Somnovem. As an act of trust, he permitted me and Beauregard to read through part of it. We thought nothing of it until we were both awoken from a dream of a lone red eye, welcoming us. Then we found the eyes. We do not know if Lucien knew what would happen or if he is even aware that we each have one.

“So far, nothing has worked to remove it. Jester wasted a Greater Restoration on Beau. Yasha tried to scrub it off but despite the skin around it warming, the eye stayed cold. Even when Veth put a drop of acid atop the eye it just stayed there, barely doing damage to Beauregard. We are at a loss. As far as we know, they are harmless markings but we cannot be certain.”

Concern etched itself deeply into Essek’s face as he inspected the eye. “If your healer could not do anything, I’m afraid I’m even more useless. This is…unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my many years. I apologize I cannot be of more use.”

Caleb cupped the drow’s face in his hands, drawing his gaze away from the eye. “It’s alright, Essek. For now it just appears to be an arbitrary mark. I hope I did not spoil what we started.”

Essek shook his head, placing his hands on Caleb’s wrists. “You have not.”

With a smile, Caleb moved forward, pushing Essek on his back and kissing him roughly. His hands dragged down his side, gripping his hips tightly. He pulled him closer and Essek moaned when he felt Caleb’s cock slide against his own, though barred by only a couple layers of fabric. Caleb groaned lowly into his neck, sinking his teeth into the skin. Essek wanted nothing more than to hear that sound again. 

Caleb kissed down his chest, shuffling back to kiss down his stomach. Essek watched him closely, running his fingers through the wizard’s red hair. Caleb stopped just above the hem of his pants before he glanced up. He raised an eyebrow in question, his fingers curling around the material. Essek nodded, giving him permission to continue. Caleb, however, did not. 

“Before we go any further, I have a question for you,” he began, studying Essek intently. 

“Of course,” Essek replied, pushing himself up on his elbows. “What would you like to know?”

“Have you any experience with this kind of thing?”

Essek flushed, his pale purple complexion darkening as a result of the creeping blush. “No,” he said awkwardly. “Um, not at all, actually. It’s not that I never had an interest, I’ve just been too wrapped up in my research. No one had ever caught my eye, either. Until recently.”

Caleb hummed. “I will admit, that is fairly surprising. You’re quite handsome.”

“Oh, I’m well aware,” Essek chuckled lightly. “But no. I have no experience.”

“Are you okay with continuing?”

“Very much so.”

With a quick kiss to his stomach, Caleb tugged Essek’s pants down his legs, leaving him in just his undergarments. The material did nothing to hide his obvious erection, straining against the cloth. Quickly those were removed as well, leaving Essek bare before the wizard. Caleb’s hands ran down his thighs, spreading them gently as his eyes trailed over every inch of him. 

Essek warmed under Caleb’s intense gaze, finding it once again hard to look him in the eye. His hands continued to wander, gripping his thighs or ghosting up his sides. Essek breathed out shakily, his fingers curling around the sheets of his bed as he allowed himself to be at Caleb’s mercy. The wizard found his lips again, kissing him briefly. He pulled away and shuffled back, settling between Essek’s parted legs. A deep plum blush spread across his cheeks as he watched Caleb’s head duck down, biting the inside of his thigh. 

Essek yelped, the sensation sending a shiver down his spine. Caleb smirked against his skin, sucking a dark mark into the flesh. Essek arched his back, whining softly. Caleb was serious about taking his time. He left a couple more marks on the inside of his thigh where no one but him would see. He kissed the soft skin lightly, delicately. 

“You truly are a sight to behold,” Caleb muttered quietly, his fingers ghosting over his hips as he raised himself up onto his elbows. “Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

“You flatter me.”

“Ja, but it’s the truth.”

He got to his knees and pressed his lips to the drow’s, one hand coming up to rest on his cheek and the other moving to gently stroke his cock. Essek broke the kiss with a moan, tilting his head back. Caleb kept his pace slow, gauging Essek’s reactions as he worked him. He dropped his forehead against Caleb’s shoulder, turning his head to place a gentle kiss to his neck. The wizard sighed, his fingers tightening slightly around him. Caleb tilted Essek’s head upwards and caught his lips in another kiss. 

If Essek took anything away from tonight, it was that Caleb loved to kiss. He lost count of how many times the wizard’s lips had met his own but his head spun each time. Caleb moved from his lips and kissed down his throat, his chest, his stomach until finally he lowered himself down and placed a soft kiss against the head of his cock. 

“A-ah…” Essek moaned, head tilting back against his pillow as he arched his back in pleasure. He tangled his fingers in Caleb’s hair, pulling it free from its ponytail, threading his fingers through the red locks. 

Caleb’s head sunk lower, kissing along the length before finally taking Essek in his mouth. The drow cried out silently, tugging slightly on the man’s hair. Caleb reacted favorably, a low groan coming from the back of his throat. Essek felt like his entire body was on fire, a fitting metaphor since he was currently at the mercy of a wizard with a habit for flame. Caleb moved his head slowly up, his tongue swirling gently around the head and he slowly swallowed Essek back down. 

Not being completely in control was a new feeling for Essek. He managed to keep himself under the Dynasty’s radar for over three years because of that control. But here he was, naked under a human, let alone a human from the _Empire,_ and he was loving every second of it. His fingers curled into fists around Caleb’s copper hair, unintentionally holding him in place. Caleb’s pale hands gripped his thighs, one of his thumbs absentmindedly stroking the soft skin in circles. Caleb quickened his pace, taking the drow deeper each time. Essek arched his back, his breath hitching with a broken moan. 

Caleb licked up his length, his eyes flickering up to meet Essek’s. “You do not have to be so quiet, you know,” he said plainly. “I prefer the opposite.”

Essek swallowed thickly. “I…I do not want to be heard. Someone is quite literally stationed outside my door, and I have a reputation to uphold.”

Caleb chuckled softly. “I’m fairly certain your guard is aware of what is transpiring. It’s okay to relax sometimes. You don’t need to constantly be aware of what others are thinking. It’s okay to take time to yourself.” He placed a quick kiss against Essek’s thigh. “Or if you’re still uncomfortable you could always use the same spell from earlier to prevent anyone from listening in.”

“You want to hear my voice that badly?”

“I do.”

Essek sighed. With a quick glance over at the door, he traced his fingers in the air, repeating the same motions of the spell from before. “There,” he announced. “No one will be able to hear in.”

The wizard grinned, “Perfect.”

Without warning, Caleb swallowed him back down. Essek cried out, his back arching off the bed. His pace was quicker than before, and Essek felt dizzy. He tangled his hands back in Caleb’s hair. Blue eyes met his own as Caleb moved his head. Essek kept his gaze through hooded eyes, pulling at his hair when Caleb began to use his hand as well. His eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, moaning slightly around Essek, making the drow keen. 

“C-Caleb…” he whined. “That feels…” he trailed off, trying to find the right word, “a-ah—incredible.”

Seemingly spurred on by the praise, Caleb quickened his hand. He pulled off his cock, kissing down the side. Essek moaned, bringing a hand away from Caleb’s hair and curling it in his sheets. Caleb moved his free hand off Esssk’s thigh to intertwine with the drow’s, squeezing it tightly. Essek felt himself warm at the small gesture. Caleb dragged his tongue under the head of his cock. Essek gasped, arching into Caleb’s touch. He could feel his heart slam against his chest, his breath quickening.

“Caleb, I think— _fuck,_ ” he cut himself off with a shout as Caleb swallowed him down, pulling back off just as quick. “I think I-I’m…close.”

The wizard smiled softly, speeding up his hand. “I’ve got you, liebling.”

With that, Caleb took him in his mouth again, moving his head quickly. He squeezed Essek’s hand as he moved his other away from the drow’s cock and down to his balls. His fingers ghosted over them, causing Essek to cry out with a loud moan. Caleb looked up to watch him, his blue eyes focusing intently on his every twitch, committing them to memory. 

Essek came with a loud shout of Caleb’s name, likely crushing his hand with his own as his hips began to move on their own. Caleb did not flinch, drinking down everything Essek had to offer. The drow watched in awe as Caleb swallowed. Finally, he sat back, pulling Essek upright. 

“Was that okay?” he asked simply, resting a hand on Essek’s cheek. 

Essek leaned forward to press a quick peck against Caleb’s lips. “More than okay,” he assured him. “It was…amazing. Truly, you’re very good at that.”

Caleb smiled gently, a soft red blush darkening his cheeks. “It’s been some time, so I appreciate the compliment. I’m not as young as I used to be,” he admitted with a low chuckle “I’m very glad you enjoyed it. I want to make this as good for you as possible.”

“Just being with you is enough,” Essek said softly, kissing Caleb’s jaw. 

Caleb caught Essek’s lips with his own, kissing him roughly. Essek sighed into it, allowing the wizard to slip his tongue inside. His hands went to Caleb’s belt, unbuckling it and tossing it to the side. He fumbled with the button, making Caleb smile against his lips. He broke the kiss to finish the job for Essek, getting to his feet to remove the last of his clothing. Essek couldn’t help but stare. Caleb was, to put it simply, well endowed, his cock flush and erect. 

Caleb returned to the bed, pulling Essek in for another kiss. Essek’s arms wrapped around him, his nails digging into the freckled skin of his back. They dragged down his back to his hips, with one trailing farther down. Caleb’s breath hitched when Essek’s hand wrapped loosely around his cock. Essek gave a few experimental strokes, not used to doing it to another man. Caleb pulled away to drop his head against Essek’s shoulder, his warm breath heating the skin.

Essek smirked, enjoying the control for the time being. He tightened his grip, moving his hand faster. Caleb moaned against his neck, his arm curling loosely around Essek’s waist.

“Schatz,” Caleb groaned against his neck, “as much as I want you to continue, I wanted to focus on you.”

“I’m not the only one under considerable stress, Caleb,” Essek remarked gently, slowly moving his hand. “I wish to take care of you as well. Do not try to argue.”

With a snort, Caleb relented. “Ja, okay. I am at your mercy, liebling.”

Essek quickened his pace again, his fingers slick. Caleb squirmed under him, thrusting his hips shallowly into Essek’s fist. The drow grinned, threading his free hand gently through Caleb’s hair. Caleb moaned softly, pressing his face into his neck. He nipped at the exposed skin, leaving more dark marks that Essek would need to remember to hide in order to avoid prying eyes.

“A-ah,” Caleb whimpered, muffled against his neck. “Scheiße,” he cursed under his breath, leaning into Essek’s touch.

Essek continued these motions, alternating between fast and slow, slowly edging Caleb to climax. The hand in his wizard’s hair twisted the locks around his fingers, tugging slightly to get a reaction. Caleb hissed, biting hard at the purple skin before him. Essek winced slightly, but did not waver. He set a steady pace, rubbing his thumb against the head of Caleb’s cock. Caleb’s nails dug hard into his waist, a muffled moan against his neck 

There was barely any distance between the pair now. Caleb kept his grip tight on Essek’s waist, bringing him as close to him as possible. Using the hand tangled in his hair, Essek pulled Caleb up to kiss him. They melted together, barely pulling away to breathe. Essek moved faster, Caleb moaning against his lips. After a few quick strokes, Caleb came with a grunt, spilling over Essek’s stomach.

Essek grimaced internally, hyper aware of the warm fluid. He released Caleb and pried himself free from his grip. He waved his hand through the air, muttering under his breath as he cleaned himself off. 

“Do you happen to have any oil? I could return to my belongings if I must but I’d really rather not,” Caleb inquired, stretching his arms up over his head. “I’d prefer to answer any questions our friends have in the morning.”

Essek rolled his eyes lightly. He kissed him gently before getting to his feet, making his way to the other side of his chambers. He dug through one of the few drawers in the room. He produced a small bottle and tossed it over to the human. Caleb looked it over with a raised eyebrow.

There was a pause. “I thought you had no experience.”

The drow joined him on the bed, sitting on his knees in front of him. “With others, I don’t. But I know my own body very well.”

Caleb looked up at him, his interest clearly piqued. Essek met his expression with a smirk as he laid back on the bed, spreading his legs in invitation. Caleb was quick to lean over him, claiming his lips in another messy kiss as he pushed Essek’s legs open wider. He pulled back and uncorked the bottle, spilling some of the clear liquid over his fingers. Essek watched him intently, anticipation building in his stomach. 

The hand disappeared between his legs and Essek whined when he felt one of Caleb’s fingers gently press against his entrance. The digit pushed in with little resistance. His eyes fluttered shut, sighing at the sensation. As he moved his hand, Caleb returned to kissing Essek’s neck, his free hand resting on his hip.

“You know,” Essek began, running a hand through Caleb’s hair, “you are going to make this hard to hide.”

Caleb grinned against his skin. “Ja, that is the idea. You’re a very attractive man and I do not like to share. I want any interested parties to know that you are spoken for.” He bit another mark into the skin to emphasize his point.

Essek chuckled softly, his heart swelling at the gesture. “I highly doubt that is the case.”

“Even so, I like doing this to you.” Caleb left another mark as he curled his finger inside Essek. “But if you would like me to stop, I will.”

“It was not an—a-ah—complaint,” the drow explained, moaning at the new sensation. “Merely an observation.”

Caleb kept a steady pace as he slowly moved his hand. Essek arched his back slightly, pushing back on the wizard’s hand. Caleb kissed down his neck past his collarbone and over his chest, dragging his tongue over one of his nipples. Essek’s hand tightened its grip on Caleb’s copper red hair, sucking in a breath. 

“I wish we had more time,” Caleb whispered against his skin. “There is so much I want to do to you. I could spend hours doing just this.” His finger dragged in and out slowly, curling once against inside him. “I want to know every inch of you, liebe.”

Essek whined, his heart beating fast as he hung onto every word. “Perhaps once this settles down. If I do not have much time left I would like to spend as much of it with you as I can.”

Caleb frowned. “We— _I_ won’t let anything happen to you. Do not think about that, Essek. That isn’t important right now. Focus on me.”

He nodded, closing his eyes. Caleb took a moment to press another finger inside Essek, stretching him open. He resumed his slow pace. Essek groaned softly, craving more. Caleb went back to kissing every inch of his body. Essek continued to card his fingers through the man’s hair, grinning slightly as he shuddered. 

Essek had lost track of time long ago, unaware of the amount of hours that had passed since he invited Caleb back to his room. While he had been extremely nervous at first, he had no regrets over confessing to Caleb. He would have regretted not doing it, had they left before he could stop them. He was aware it was his idea to put distance between himself and the group, but now that he had Caleb he did not wish to part from him.

His train of thought continued. Essek was confident that they would be alright traveling away from Eiselcross, but he was extremely worried about them returning. It wasn’t that he doubted Caleb’s capabilities. He was well aware that he was an extremely skilled wizard, but even the most skilled could still make mistakes. He feared for them arriving off course, or getting hurt during the teleportation, or—

“Essek,” Caleb’s voice broke him from his thoughts, his hand slowing but not stopped. “You’re thinking too hard. Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no,” Essek shook his head. “Nothing is wrong, I’m sorry. I just got distracted thinking about the, uh…about the trouble you and the others might go through upon returning to Eiselcross.”

Caleb smiled slightly. “Liebling, you worry too much. Not that it is unnecessary, it is very appreciated, but now is not the time to worry. Just focus on me. Let me take care of you.”

Essek nodded. Caleb bent down to press a soft kiss to Essek’s forehead as he pushed in a third finger, moving his hand quicker. Pleasure wracked through his body as he spread his legs wider, trying to get Caleb deeper. He moaned as Caleb’s fingers scissored and stretched him open, his back arching as the digits curled yet again inside him. 

“Alright” the Zemnian said, gently pressing a kiss to Essek’s jaw as he withdrew his fingers. “I think you’re ready.”

Essek snorted. “I have been ready for quite awhile.”

Caleb sat back with a smile, reaching for the bottle he had dropped from earlier. “Maybe so, but I wanted to be sure this would not hurt you.”

He reached up and placed his hand against Caleb’s cheek. “And I love you for it.”

The words hung in the air for a moment before Essek realized the weight of what he had said. His eyes widened slightly as he yanked his hand away from Caleb, his body turning cold with dread that he had ruined everything. Caleb’s silence did nothing to help the awful feeling of embarrassment and regret that tightened in his chest. He looked away, the absolutely inability to look him in the eye returning.

Suddenly, Caleb lunged forward. He cupped Essek’s face in his hands, forcing his gaze back to him. He kissed him, but it was slightly different from the others. It was a rough press of lips but there was still a tender edge to it, his tongue dragging against his own lightly. He pulled back, barely an inch away, and smiled.

“I love you, too,” he confessed, barely above a whisper. “It is such a relief to be able to say it.”

The terrible feelings of dread, embarrassment, and regret melted away with Caleb’s words. Essek smiled, pressing his forehead against the wizard’s. “It is,” he agreed. “I thought I’d never be able to.”

Caleb kissed him again before sitting back. “That night in Nicodranas made me rethink a lot of things, but it never once made me question how I feel about you. I think our time apart made me realize that the feeling was indeed love.”

Essek smiled softly at the man above him. “I think I knew for some time but my time alone here allowed me to come to terms with it.”

“I’m glad you have.” He uncorked the bottle once again. “Are you ready to continue?”

“Very much so.”

With Essek’s confirmation, Caleb dribbled more of the liquid onto his hand and slicked up his cock. Essek’s eyes trailed the motion, gently biting his lip. Caleb wiped his hand on the sheets, shuffling closer to the drow before him. He reached around Essek’s waist, using a hand on the small of his back to lift up his hips. Caleb used his free hand to guide his cock to his entrance. Essek braced himself. The hand on his back moved to take his hand, squeezing it gently.

“Just breathe,” Caleb told him, echoing his words from earlier. “Relax.”

Essek let out a long breath as Caleb pushed into him. He moaned, his head tilting back against the pillow. He held onto Caleb’s hand tightly as he sunk into him. Once fully in, Caleb stilled, allowing Essek to become familiar with the sensation. He exhaled again, giving Caleb a nod when he noticed his concerned expression. 

Caleb began to move, slowly rocking his hips back and forth. Essek whined, his eyes fluttering shut as he focused on the fullness inside him instead of the faint burn. The slight pain subsided as Caleb moved, the pleasure overtaking his senses. His thrusts remained long and slow, nearly drawing completely out each time. Essek whimpered, wanting more. Caleb leaned down, placing his other hand on Essek’s waist as he kissed up the column of his throat, finding his lips for another kiss.

“Caleb, I appreciate you being gentle but I am not going to break,” Essek urged impatiently, trying to push himself down on Caleb’s cock. 

“Just relax, liebe,” Caleb soothed. “I said I wanted to take my time with you.”

“Yes, but I want you to move. I _need_ it.”

Caleb chuckled lowly against his throat, biting it gently. “You need it?” he teased lightly, stilling his movements. 

Essek frowned. The hand not intertwined with Caleb’s brushed across his cheek before tangling itself in his hair. With a quick movement, Essek tugged roughly, drawing a low moan from the wizard. “I do,” he whispered huskily, looking at him through hooded eyes. “ _Very_ badly.” His lips twitching upwards as Caleb inhaled sharply.

“Ja,” the Zemnian nodded, swallowing thickly. “Ja, of course. Whatever you want.”

Essek smiled triumphantly. Caleb drew back, bringing the drow’s hand to his lips. He kissed the back of it gently before releasing it, instead placing both hands on Essek’s waist. His hips snapped forward as he pulled Essek down, making the drow nearly scream. Satisfied, Caleb kept the pace. Long and slow thrusts turned into short and quick ones as Caleb continued to slam into him.

It was unlike anything Essek had ever experienced. He’d pleasured himself and brought himself to orgasm before, but this was an entirely different feeling. All he could think about was Caleb and the intense pleasure that coursed through his body. He tugged on his arm weakly, wanting to bring him close again. With a soft smile, Caleb leaned forward, catching Essek’s lips with his own in a messy kiss. Essek raked his nails down Caleb’s back, causing him to groan.

“How does it feel?” Caleb asked as he kept his pace, gripping his waist tightly. 

Essek moaned. “Incredible,” he managed, his voice strained and thick with lust. “You’re— _fuck,_ ” he cut himself off with another moan as Caleb got in a particularly deep thrust. “You’re incredible.”

“Mm,” Caleb hummed against his neck. “As are you.” He drew back, running his hands down Essek’s sides and over his spread thighs. “You’re beautiful, liebling. Utterly beautiful. I could watch you for hours.”

Essek basked in his words. Caleb held onto him tightly as he thrust into him. He lost all coherency when the wizard pushed into him at just the right angle, only moans and the occasional whisper of Caleb’s name escaping his lips. His hand moved to his own waist, reaching for one of Caleb’s hands. Caleb released him, their fingers locking together. Essek squeezed him tightly. The familiar feeling of tightness formed in his gut, his heartbeat quickening. 

Ever so observant, Caleb picked up on the signs. “Are you close?”

Essek could only nod. Caleb thrust into him, drawing him closer and closer to his climax. His back arched off the bed as he came with a shout, releasing onto his stomach. Caleb watched him intently, memorizing every single detail. His pace did not wane, slamming repeatedly into Essek as he rode out his orgasm. 

The drow dropped back against the bed, breathing heavily as Caleb continued to move. His legs spread wider, allowing him to get even deeper. Caleb grunted as he moved in and out of Essek. He bent over him, burying his face in the crook of his neck. 

“Are you?” Essek asked. “Close, I mean.”

“Ja,” he moaned against his skin, pushing into him with another sharp thrust. “Very close.”

Essek threaded his fingers through Caleb’s hair, making him sigh. He gently tugged on the locks.

“Scheiße,” Caled hissed. “Do that again.”

Essek obeyed, pulling a little harder. Caleb cursed against his neck. His thrusts became erratic as he came, riding out his climax. Essek moaned softly when felt him spill inside of him. It was a sensation he would never forget. Caleb hips stuttered, slowing to a stop until finally he pulled out. 

He sat back. “Ah, apologies, I didn’t think—”

Essek shook his head, cutting him off. He smiled warmly. “It’s alright. There was not much else you could have done.” He waved his hand through the air. “It is taken care of.”

Caleb chuckled softly. He craned his neck and stretched. “Was it okay? Being your first time and all.”

Essek glanced at the wizard. “Caleb, it was amazing,” he said honestly. “It was perfect.”

Caleb leaned down to kiss him lightly. “I’m glad. Hopefully this will all blow over rather soon so we can do it again.”

“Hopefully,” Essek repeated. “Are you staying?”

“If you’ll have me.”

“Always.”

He smiled at Essek, settling down beside him. Essek rolled over to face him. Caleb brushed his hand gently against his cheek. His fingers trailed down over his neck, over the dark marks that covered the skin. He cupped the base of Essek’s head, bringing him in for a kiss. Essek sighed against his lips, his own hand wrapping around Caleb’s wrist, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the white scars. 

Caleb drew back, resting his forehead against the drow’s. “Will you be okay on your own?” 

“I have been so far. I faintly regret asking for distance but I suppose it is the smartest move. While I don’t doubt the abilities of you, your companions, or even myself, what you have relayed to me about this Lucien—this Nonagon—is extremely concerning. And since you all barely escaped with your lives, it’s likely we will need all the help you can muster. Hopefully it will be enough.”

“Hoping is all we can do now. We have a short list of potential candidates to aid us, but we don’t know how many will actually agree with what is at stake,” Caleb explained. “I hope at the very least we can collect items that will be useful in a fight against a being with the ability to dispel magic since so many of us rely on our arcane abilities.”

Essek laughed lightly. “You all have such a habit of falling into trouble.”

“Indeed we do. If we didn’t, though, we likely never would have met.”

“True. I do not like to think about that possibility. That is a timeline I’m willing to leave unexplored,” the drow admitted, his grip tightening on Caleb’s wrist, “You have all changed me for the better. I know I still have a ways to go, and I know not all of them trust me, but you have all affected me deeply.”

“We know you’re trying,” Caleb assured him. “The others won’t give out their trust so easily for many reasons but they cannot deny that you are a different man from the last time we saw you. It takes time, but I will help you get there.”

“I would like that very much.”

Caleb smiled, giving Essek another gentle kiss. “We will not be gone long. I just hope the journey back is not too difficult.”

“I could give you something from the Outpost to hopefully aid your trajectory and chance of success,” Essek offered. “I have experienced quite a lot of…difficulty trying to traverse back from Rosohna despite knowing the Outpost very well. A focus would make it easier but given the nature of Eiselcross, it would still be rather tricky.”

“Ja,” Caleb nodded. “Anything helps.”

“Alright. Remind me in the morning. This evening is finally catching up to me and I’m quite exhausted.”

“Of course, liebling,” Caleb promised, kissing the drow on the forehead. He smiled when Essek shuffled closer to him. “Goodnight, Essek,” he whispered softly, wrapping an arm around him. 

“Goodnight, Caleb.” Essek hesitated for a moment before he briefly kissed his jaw. “I love you,” he added, barely above a whisper. 

“And I you,” Caleb replied. 

Essek smiled to himself as he laid against his chest. He listened to Caleb’s heartbeat, hearing it slow as sleep eventually overtook him. After what he assumed was a couple hours, Essek closed his eyes. He didn’t need to sleep like his human companion did, but he wanted to stay by his side as long as possible before he had to leave. He loosely intertwined his fingers with Caleb’s as he began his trance. He was unsure of how this ordeal would end, but the knew that as long as he could be by Caleb’s side, he was ready to face anything.

**Author's Note:**

> hey if pumat can use prestidigitation to clean up caleb then i’m justified. anyway i hope you guys liked this i had a lot of fun writing it and i’m pretty proud of how it turned out!!
> 
> find me on tumblr @nedsnickerson or more fittingly at my cr sideblog @essek-thelyss having breakdowns about these two wizards <3


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